Sunday, August 30, 2009 ; 12:57 AMY
My Thoughts...
It seems almost unreal to think that it has already been four months
my Grandma joined God in heaven.
So much has happened in my life ever since, without that one important person by my side. Those close to me would know how much she means to me, she is much more important to me than my family is. Because in truth, she is my family. She was the one who took care of me since birth, feeding me, bathing me, scolding me, only to be taken away by my mum and dad, when I am old enough to walk. Man, I got so many things to say, but im just not good with words. In short, I really miss my late neneq so so much.
Today was a little bit different. Decided to buke with my makciks and cousins at neneq’s place. Since it has been some time i last met them, me and adeq decided to tag along. But honestly, I wanted to be anywhere, but there. Neneq’s place. You know, there’s too many fond memories and her stuff there. I feared that seeing all her stuff,that reminded me of her, my emotions will take over me.
As I walked up the 2nd floor to my granny’s house, I felt sad suddenly. Why? Because I remembered, she had to struggle up and down the long steps whenever she had to go for her regular check-ups. I was there , beside her, supporting her arms, as we slowly make our way down. FOR EVERY CHECK-UPS SHE HAD TO GO. That was partly the reason why I skipped so many class during my ITE times, but its okay. She is much more important, to me. I can still remember, I used to joke with her everytime we had to climb up the stairs.
Me: neneq ni, slow laaaa. Siput pun jalan lagy cepaat tao nek.
Nenek: nenek tahu lah, nenek lambat. Abg nak naik, naik dulu la.
Me: alaa majok lah tu. Jgn majok nek, buruk tao nenek klu majok. Kay cepat2! Lagy sikit jer tu!
Haha.. these were the times.. I miss walking up the stairs slowly with u neneq.
As we reached neneq’s house, I started to tear. I don’t know why I did, but it did. Slowly I step into the house, my eyes were constantly looking here and there. Is this where, my granny used to live, where I used to come and visit her every weekend? I felt akward going into the house. I do not know why. I went into the both rooms, the kitchen, the toilet, everywhere. And that’s where I saw it, her tongkat and her wheelchair. I started crying non-stop, touching the tongkat. This was the tongkat that followed her wherever she goes, in the house, outside the house, everywhere. It was so hard for me to fight back my tears, I didn’t want to show my adek, sedare and makciks that I was crying like a child. I Hold on to it for a good 5minutes, wiped my tears and it was time to buke.
Makton bought for me nasi ambeng, and we all ate at the living room. Suddenly I flashed back to the time where neneq was still around. Tyme buke, we will all be seated like how we were, and she on the chair looking at us eat. I can still remember her smiling and talking, while we were all buke-ing.
Those times..
There was ayam masak merah in the nasi ambeng, so yeah. That reminded me of her too. Why? I can remember whenever I felt like going to neneq house, I’ll call her and tell her I’ll be going to her house today, and she will always say,’tapi rumah neneq tak masak tao.. nak dtg, dtg laa, tapi takder makan.’ . But when I reached her place, fuuuuuuuuh! Dari jauh dah boleh bau neneq punyer special ayam masak merah.
This is why I love her so much; whatever illness she is having, kaki saket2 ker, she will ensure there’s food for us cucu to eat.
Me: neneq! kater tak masak. Saket2 boleh jalan2, boleh masak lagy. Nenek eksyen saket ehhh…
Nenek: abeh? Nak harapkan abg masakkan untuk nenek ker? Boleh lah masak sikit2 gini, kalau takder makan abg nk makan ape kan nari.
Me: boleh beli kat kedai mamak bawah aper.
Neneq: alaaa. Dorang takder ayam masak merah.
Me: betul! Neneq lah yang paling best! Ehhe…
Ohgawd, I seriously miss your ayam masak merah,right now.
After done with buke, we all sat around and watch some dvds. When it was close to 10, we all decided to go back home. I really did not want to leave the house, because for all the while I was in the house, I am sure I had this feeling, that she was around,somewhere, Looking at me. Err, its like ‘ I may be looking at the tv screen, but I had this niggling feeling , someone’s watching me at the kitchen. When I turned around, there was no one.’ Something like that. I was not scared at all. But I was hoping, if it is really her, I could just catch a glimpse of her. But I didn’t. so after looking for one last time, I stepped out of the house, makton locked the door, and we were on our way home.
After done with buke, we all sat around and watch some dvds. When it was close to 10, we all decided to go back home. I really did not want to leave the house, because for all the while I was in the house, I am sure I had this feeling, that she was around,somewhere, Looking at me. Err, its like ‘ I may be looking at the tv screen, but I had this niggling feeling , someone’s watching me at the kitchen. When I turned around, there was no one.’ Something like that. I was not scared at all. But I was hoping, if it is really her, I could just catch a glimpse of her. But I didn’t. so after looking for one last time, I stepped out of the house, makton locked the door, and we were on our way home.
So a note to neneq,
"Abg betul2 rindukan neneq. Abg rindu nenek punyer ayam masak merah. Abg rindu nenek urutkan abg. Dulu, nenek suker sangat senyap2 letak 10dollar kat dlm kocek abg. Tahu2 jer, wallet tumbuh duit 10dollar, kadang2 kocek seluar tumbuh duit 10 dollar, kadang2 beg skolah punyer pocket pun boleh tumbuh 10dollar.ader je tao tempat nak selit duit! Abg rindu segala2nyer tentang neneq, neneq tak rindu abg ker? Tapi kenape sampai sekarang tak pernah pun neneq dtg kat mimpi abg? Makton ader ckp, nek amah pernah mimpi neneq cakap gini gini gini kat nek amah, tapi kenape bukan abg? Sekarang neneq dah takder, abg tak tahu nak balas jasa-jasa neneq. Cumer abg tahu, setiap malam, without fail tao! Abg akan sedekahkan al-fatihah untuk nenek. I miss you lah neneq,badly… " =(
Ok, I shall stop here now. can I ask anyone who’s reading this to say a prayer for her? I am sure she will receive it on the other side. thank you so much.
