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★ Hold My hand, Hold My heart ★




Wednesday, August 12, 2009 ; 10:00 PMY
My Thoughts...
My Biggest mistake.
today was a bit different. ayah send me to school today, because my knee 'act up' again.
had really difficulty walking today, and it is killing me. thanks ayah, for sending me to school today. i really regretted playing in that tournament, seriously. because of that, my life completely changed. i don't feel like a man now. which guy dont play soccer? yelah, taq tahu main pun, at least can kick the ball. nie tidaaq, main sikit jer, knee datanglah sakit dier. feels like cutting my right knee away, 'dah taqle pakai'

i can still remember it clearly. i had this soccer tournament way back in november08, with the adamantium peeps. to cut the story short, i was closing in on this player, and i accidentally slipped and dropped, while my knee was in a awkward position. that was where i heard a 'pop' sound. And the next thing i knew, i could not straighten my right knee, nor i could move. blame it on the pitch, it was damn muddy, and lot of holes here and there.

went to the doctor straightaway. the doctor wantedto refer me to the hospital for further chekup, but ayah said no need, just give me medicines and MCs. if things don't take a turn for the better, then we will go to the hospital. another wrong decision i made. i was on crutches the whole week, and going about doing my normal routine was hell. but by a week, i can slowly move my leg. so i was actually glad that it was nothing so serious like fractures or any internal injury, as what the doctor initially feared. But i guess i was wrong.

Fast forward to now, and it is already 10months, and im still having this problem. the knee 'acting up' . 'acting up' basically means, if i have this knee-jerk reaction or a sudden twist of my right knee, the 'pop' sound can be heard, and then i must slowwwwwwwly straighten my knee, hear the 'pop' sound again, and i will be back to normal. But it is really painful, i tell you. so you tell me, how much sufferings have i gone through for the past 10months? HELL.

i did went for an xray in early march09, but it was no use. i can still remember it.

doc: so mr syaiful, the xray reports shows that your bone is perfectly okay, is in the correct position, and no fractures at all. in short u are physically fit for ur napha test tmr.
me: ok, fine. so explain to me, y do i still have pain at the back of my knee then?
doc: oh maybe,its ur ligament. maybe u have torn ur ACL
me: can be detected by xray?
doc: no, u will need to go to a specialist.
me: THEN Y THE FUCK DO U TELL ME TO DO N XRAY THEN? IVE TOLD U, I KNOW MY BONES ARE OKAY, ITS JUST THE TISSUE! WHAT KIND OF A DOCTO ARE U, STUPID FAGGOT!

and i tore the xray report infront of him, stormed out of the room, banged the door, and gave him the middle finger before going off, didnt even pay the consultation fee. i was damn angry with that 'mamak' laa. but here's another mistake i made. i should have kept the report so, at least i have proof document the next time im going for my NS medical checkup. damn.

Now, i do not know what to do. i seriously miss kicking a ball, miss playing soccer. but what to do. i have to go for an operation. BUT ITS A BIG NO NO for me. i fear injections, thats why.
As im writing this, the knee are still hurting, and it has already been one whole day of pain, and agony. what should i do? HELP!




here is video of how the reconstructuring of ACL takes place.

viewers discreetion is advised.

my knee may hurt right now, but you hurt me more.


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